It’s Been a While: 2021 Edition

I honestly haven’t written much because I frankly had no motivation to get out of bed and go to work, therefore had no motivation to touch my computer. 2021 came in swinging at the start of the year, and a lot of changes have occurred the last few months. This particular post will be very out of normal format, but as I have come to realize it’s okay to deviate from a plan. Sometimes the deviation becomes so much better than you could ever expect. Now, where do I even start?

January 3rd, 2021: It was a normal day, and D and I had just recently gotten back from taking Em to the park because it was an unusually warm day. Afterward, I started dinner and D went outside to trim a tree branch that had been scraping the roof for a while. While cooking I hear yelling and screaming outside and run out to see a large, clearly unstable man assaulting my husband. He stabbed him in the back, for no reason other than it turned out he was mentally ill. Though I of course filed and incident report, and D pressed charges, it took such a toll on my mental health, and fear for if just maybe Em had been outside playing at the time, that we unfortunately had to move. I found a fairly decent apartment for my low budget, and while it’s quite nice it’s very small. However, to keep sight of the theme of this post, something good came out of this: My mental health has exponentially grown more stable since our move. I feel much more at peace than I ever did in that old run down house. You can never plan for life to go your way, but finding a silver lining in a horrible experience is something I have recently learned the value of.

I now not only have a feeling of security that I never realized I needed, but also D has begun seeing a counselor for the first time, indeed a voluntary decision, and most days seem to be doing much better. Which, of course, helps me to be calmer. Em is ecstatic that her new room has a larger bed, and has posters and decorations hand-picked by the diva herself. Surprisingly, it looks quite nice for a small bedroom, and I was able to paint and repurpose two old end tables into an entertainment table for her. It’s very nice to experience the level of quiet peace I never realized helped my calmness and clarity so much. It has made meditation and time for self-exploration and realization so much more helpful. I am finally beginning to feel a sense of calm relaxation, and it has fueled my fire for completing my goals this year.

With all of that being said, I hope you all can understand my absence for the early part of the year. Now that I am able to really have a quiet, sacred space all my own, I hope that my writing muse will return, allowing me to not only grow my collection of offered works to you all, but also maintain my needed GPA for my graduate courses.

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4 Comments

  1. Brandy

    That is such an awful thing to happen to D. I can definitely see how something like that can take a toll on your mental health. I am glad to hear that you’ve moved out of that situation and it’s helped you feel better.

    Em’s room sounds so adorable.

    1. Shanae

      Hey Brandy!
      I’ll say it took a mental health toll, but I’ve learned how strong I really am, which is very important. Luckily, Emma is pretty unaware of what all happened, and she was so exicted to move(our old house didn’t have working AC/heat so it was always miserable in extreme temps). Her biggest thing is we can see the little apartment pool from our balcony. Honestly, for an old complex its really not bad. I was impressed. With living in an oilfield area and me most definitely not making “oil field money” I couldn’t afford much, but was hella surprised with what we got. It’s small, but honestly it’s exactly what I wanted right now! I got crazy lucky!
      I’ll make sure to take photos of Emma’s room to share if she will ever pick up her laundry (lol)

      Thanks for checking in! As always <3

  2. Kadie

    I am so sorry you and your family had to go through that. That’s horrible. But I am glad that you were able to find a silver lining in all that and something good came out of it. I hope you continue to feel better.

    1. Shanae

      Thank you Kadie. I’d be lying if I said the struggle wasn’t real this year, but hey looking on the bright side it’s helped me grow. I’ve also learned I am much stronger than I ever thought possible, and honestly finding positives in negative situations has really helped me keep focus on the future for me and Em, even if that is solo. Thank you so much for swining by and taking the time to comment! It’s much appreciated!

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