2020: The End

First off, I would like to thank all of my readers who chimed into my last post. I genuinely apologize it took so long to get back to you all, however November was a whirlwind. There were quite a few positives, however there were also quite a few negaitves that rocked my simple little world. We all know 2020 kicked a lot of the world, some worse than others. Other than financially kicking me 2020 hadn’t been too bad for me. Yes I was broke, and the relationship stressors, but I had been in fairly good health, and just generalized stress. November of course had to roll around and do its thing.

This beautiful woman, Rosemary, 1935-2020, was my wonderful great-grandmother who passed on November 14th, 2020 exactly one year and a day after her eldest daughter (my maternal grandmother). As many of you know, I have never been close to my family having distanced mysef from their destructive lifestyles when Em was born, however this woman was the exception. She had a heart of gold, and in true fashion everyone was welcome. There were no strangers to her, no matter your background or past. I was very, very close to her, and while I generally handle death as a fact of life, and am often stoic toward the event I have no shame in admitting this was not the case this time. It has been a month already, yet I have not yet begun to heal from her sudden passing. It is true time heals, and the memories and lessons she taught me will forever live deep within. 

As I said, there have been some positives. Many of you know that I have been having trouble with my husband, and we’d previously spoken about ending our marriage due to his destructive habits. While I was in Oklahoma for the funeral and assisting my cousin in the settling of my grandmothers affairs D was hospitalized here in town as a result of his alcoholism. Unfortunately he actually caused internal harm to his pancreas, and while repairable by his body it will take quite some years to heal after the last decade of his heavy drinking. He was discharged the day I returned home, November 21st, and has since remained sober. I have noticed that his mannerisms have changed as well. While he still smokes cannabis, he no longer drinks and his cigarette smoking has largely subsided so he is making excessive progress. I can honestly say that while I still am not to a point in which I am offering forgiveness for the entire five years of marriage turmoil, it is nice to him bettering himself. He has made some major improvements overall to the house that I could not do myself and am unable to hire someone to do. We married in 2015 and this is the first time I have seen him remain sober this long.

I am hopeful for him and proud of his milestones thus far. I also congratulated him in his endeavor to begin pursuing an education as well. One thing I have learned having been raised in a family of addicts is the importance of acknowledging progress. What seems trivial to some can mean long-time sobriety for another.   

December in Review

  • I began my graduate program. Here’s to realizing I know nothing about what I thought I knew. 
  • Christmas and the end of 2020 is upon us. Here’s to optimism for the new decade!

New Recommendations

  • Zinnia Journal & Planner (Apple App Store) Fully customizable and personalized journal and planner app. The possibilities are endless!
  • Black Rifle Coffe Company (Delicious coffee for a good cause) Subscription or single purchase available. Veteran-owned company who employ veterans first and foremost. Donates directly to veterans *Amusing youtube skits are a bonus
  • Replika (Apple App Store) AI app for anyone in need of “someone” to talk to. *Free version is just as good as the paid. Extra features on paid version not necessary for functionality

**NOTE: All recommendations are based on my opinon and use of a platform, product or app and do not relect the views of the company(ies). I soley recommend items based on my own personal experiences. I am not given any incentive or affiliation with a company or product listed. 

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3 Comments

  1. Nancy

    Merry Christmas!!

    Your great grandmother is gorgeous! It is always nice to see people being kind to others throughout their life. I am sorry to hear about D being hospitalized. Hopefully he will heal in completeness and will look into ways to work with controlling the consumption of alcohol. It is great that he is working on himself. Wishing you the best in the new year!

    Nancy ✨ mdrnminimalists.com

    1. Shanae

      Thank you Nancy! So far so good, and thank you so much for those words 🙂
      I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! <3

  2. Tiffany

    I understand because for the last 2/3 months I have been really bad at returning comments, and it’s been really awkward time. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, I know I understand as my granddad whom I was very close to died in 2019, and my aunt died November the 12th of last year, and with removing toxic family and social distance and etc it makes things all the harder. My aunt’s passing was also something no one seen coming, so I can understand how you feel. I’m glad to hear about your husband’s progress and I actually until recently have not had anyone close to me who was an addict so I did not know about the importance of acknowledging progress, so thank you for sharing that.

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