I guess I should dust off my keyboard after my months-long absence this year. There has been so much that has happened I’m not even sure where to begin honestly. Firstly I must apologize for my long absence. Not all of it was due to negative influences, but moreso lack of time. I just completed my undergraduate studies, and officially achieved my bachelors degree in military history. This has been a very long, challenging, but often rewarding experience. Many of you who visit my blog know I have never had a good “home life”, even as a child, so this milestone was for myself, to prove I could rise above “where I came from”. I did it. I feel a sense of relief in so many ways, but also an aire of sadness. I will be 30 years old in Juanuary, and the sadness comes from thoughts that I should have done this years ago. However, I have also come to a very striking realization this year: Your timeline is yours. Things that happen, well, they happen for a reason. Perhaps to teach a life lesson, perhaps to ensure you’ve grown in ways you didn’t expect, but regardless you should never judge yourself simply because you didn’t do things in the right order”.

As many of you may be aware, my marital problems escalated to new heights within the last couple of years, and as a result of this my husband and I have separated. As he currently is unemployed I have allowed him to remain residing in my home under the premise of assisting in child care for my daughter. Her father and I co-parent very well now, and he does not particularly like this idea due to my soon to be ex-husband often not paying close attention to Em, however as neither of us can afford outside childcare we both agree that at least, for now, it will work. That’s another thing that has me “down in the dumps” right now. Twice divorced by 30. Never thought I’d follow that particular genetic statistic. There’s a plus side if you will, in that I have begun to find myself. Not in the spiritual sense by any means (yet) but I have truly found what it means to live for yourself. This doesn’t mean to live a selfish life hurting others for gain, but rather, living your life not according to someone else’s actions or dictations. Looking back on this year so far, it has been more than challenging due to COVID, probably one of the hardest financially for me honestly. There were times I couldn’t afford to pay a utility bill, or my car payment was late, but there was a simple beauty and freeing thought in finally realizing that for me to be happy I had to follow my own path.

While things are still very much uncertain, I can say that I feel hope, not only for my future but for Em’s as well. I have realized I do not need another to be happy, in fact I am most happy with just me and Em in the forefront of my mind, and that is my driving force to continue to improve. I have some very ambitious goals for myself, and have begun a “Five Year Plan”. You know the story. Someone has an epiphany and finally gets some logical goals set up. Stay tuned for that, as well as my first attempt at primitive camping when I completely forgot half my supplies and refused to go home.

I plan on ending 2020 on a high note, and bringing 2021 literally a new me with determination I have never felt before. I feel my purpose just just beyond my understanding currently, yet is peaking its way through the clouds.

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  1. Congratulations on your milestone! I know that must be a wonderful feeling.

    Setting goals is definitely a great way to go. It gives you something to look forward to, and work on. I feel like that is truly important so we don’t lose sight of our lives, or lose ourselves for that matter. In the past, I have fallen victim to just simply living, with no real goals ahead of me. Although the turn out wasn’t exactly terrible, I reached a point where I had no idea what I was really doing or where I was going and that didn’t really feel good to me. Giving yourself purpose is meaningful.

    I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. You are on the greatest track of your life right now, believe me.

    1. Hey Shannon!
      I needed those kind words today. I really appreciate you swinging by and offering them. Blessings to you girl!

  2. Congratulations on getting your bachelors degree! Regardless of how long it took, you still did it. Everyone’s life is different. We all face different circumstances, so just do you. I am sorry to hear about having to deal with a former partner. Hopefully 2021 will be a better year for us all!!

    Nancy ✨ mdrnminimalists.com

  3. First time on your blog and I already love it. I love your strength. Because you are strong, Shanae, in the face of everything that’s happened to you. I admire that. 🙂 I’m happy you are now living for yourself and with the warm presence of your daughter, and that you have successfully completed your degree (congrats!). I wish you a happy end of 2020 and an even better 2021. Big hugs!

    – Luana

  4. Time just has a way of sneaking up on you. I can’t believe it’s been months since we have both blogged. You certainly had a very good reason for neglecting your blog.

    Congrats on completing your program. I am so happy and excited for you. It is definitely never too late to complete anything. Age is nothing but a number.

    I am so sorry to hear about the divorce but at least he’s willing to stick around to help raise your daughter under the current conditions. I understand, it’s tough to get out there on your own. I’m 34 and still at home living with Mom and Dad. I’m not proud of it, but it’s what I have to do because I can’t get out on my own (financially) as much as I want to. :/

    1. Hey Bran,
      Yeah life has a hell of a way of sneaking up. I’ll be 30 next month and I cried about it for a long while, feeling sorry for myself that I “wasted my 20’s being stupid”, but I also realized too that in making those mistakes I learn A LOT that made me a better person. It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but each timeline is different for each person. Sometimes that’s hard to remember :/

      Happy New year!

  5. Congratulations on your bachelor’s degree! I just got mine last year at age 34.

    I just found your blog through Shannon, so I’m new to your story. I will say that divorce during a pandemic is hard. Like you, my soon-to-be ex-husband is unemployed, so he’s still living here. I get what you’re going through. It’s definitely not easy, but keep your head up!

    1. Thank you Terin! Yeah, most definitely 2020 has thrown nearly everyone a HUGE curveball. I’m really happy you found your way here. Bless you in this trying time!

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